THE KELSO SHEARIN
by Nigel Gatherer

Now as I went doon tae Kelso Mill
I met wi Tam MacNee
An' he looked at me wi ma lang yella hair
Wi a twinkle in his ee

Ricky doo dum day, Doo dum day,
Ricky dicky doo dum day

I asked him whaur he wis gaun the nicht
He said a pairty up Broomlaunds
An' I knew by the way he touched ma hair
That he had dead sexy hauns

Ricky doo dum day, Doo dum day,
Ricky dicky doo dum day

Aff we went through Kelso toon
I had ma new lad on ma airm
Till a gang o slags cam efter us
Intent on daein me hairm

Ricky doo dum day, Doo dum day,
Ricky dicky doo dum day

They dragged me doon a closie
Held me doon, startit tae laugh
Grabbed ma ears, an' took oot some shears
Said "C'mon girls, cut it aff!"

Ricky doo dum day, Doo dum day,
Ricky dicky doo dum day

By the time these hags were finished
I wis shocked an' feart an' stunned
As I staggered oot I wis as bald as a coot
An my hair wis on the grund

Ricky doo dum day, Doo dum day,
Ricky dicky doo dum day

Noo a' ye Edinburgh lassies
Wha come doon fer a jig
Dinna pit on airs, dinna flash yer hair
Wear a hat or e'en a wig

Ricky doo dum day, Doo dum day,
Ricky dicky doo dum day

...................................................................
Taken down from the singing of Bauldy Shavencroon, an itinerant flax
separator from Floors.

David Kilpatrick wrote:

> ...I wonder if they grabbed their Edinburgh rivals in the privy and
> cut their hair off, they way they do today? There is nothing Kelso
> girls like less than a pretty face, unless it's long blond hair. The
> town is notorious for any girl who looks half decent getting waylaid
> and scarred for life by members of the plug ugly majority!...